What's in a Name?

I was a sociology major in college, so I've always been amazed by the power of culture. Culture has the power to shape your worldview, and color seemingly simple notions of right and wrong.

But I always saw culture as static, something that, once established was fixed. As in, I'm American, that's my culture; my husband Ben is Guinean and that's the culture that dictates his outlook on life. I never thought my cultural views would shift. Through marriage in particular; however, I have seen how bits of Ben's culture have infiltrated my thinking on norms that I never before questioned.

When we got married, Ben and I both understood that cultural differences would always be a "challenge" of our marriage. I first realized the gravity of our cultural differences when Safiyah was born. I quickly learned that nothing brings out cultural differences like the birth of a child.

Safiyah's birth opened the floodgates of unsolicited mothering advice. I quickly learned that to Ben's family, Safiyah was not my child or even Ben and my child; to them, she was their child. Sure, I had birthed her, but she was theirs for the raising. Well, hello - that's a newsflash!

Ben's many "aunties" and female cousins eagerly instructed me on the do's and don'ts of motherhood. It was so overwhelming at times I wondered if they didn't realize that I had a mother of my own that may be able to provide some insight into the rearing of my new baby!

"When are you going to cut her hair?" they'd ask. Shaving a baby's hair is a common among Muslims, but it's often more of a cultural practice than a religious one. Ben and I symbolically clipped a curl from Safiyah's beautiful headfull of baby hair, but we had no plans of shaving our newborn bald. "Well, I'll shave her then", his sister offered. Think again lady!
These people were beginning to test me!

"Don't hold her so much, you need to put her down" they instructed. Or my favorite, "has she had an African bath yet?" An African bath?? And how, might I ask, does that differ from an American bath? I wondered. Well, Tanti Mariam happily demonstrated that the primary difference involves a great deal of shea butter and a lot of splashing of water. Another cousin was extremely relieved to learn that Safiyah had undergone the African bath ritual. Had she not, she advised, "that baby would never truly get clean." Well, thank GOD we took care of THAT, right?!!!

Through it all, I never realized or imagined that some of this culture was "rubbing off". I smile to myself now as I sing Safiyah's favorite song, "Safiyah bo-bo" (which simply means "Safiyah baby" in Fulani). I also desparately asked Ben's cousin Aissatou to teach me the lyrics to the french song she sang to get Safiyah to eat.

And now, with the upcoming birth of our second baby girl, I've realize that many of the concepts that once seemed so foreign to me are now the only customs I have about bringing a baby into the world. My motherhood experience is limited to baby Safiyah, her doting Afridan daddy and his many, many, many helpful, hands-on cousins. And all the nuances that come with it.

In Guinean culture, it's taboo to reveal the baby's name before the baby is born. In keeping with this tradition, we officially named Safiyah at her naming ceremony, seven days after her birth. Although this tradition was completly new to me, I realize now that it has "rubbed off"! I realize that I am now strikingly discomforted by the notion of mentioning the baby's name before she is born!

When we learned that we were having a girl, my doctor asked if we had chosen a name. Now, I have had one picked out, in my head, since we first started thinking of having another baby! But, I was shocked that she'd expect me to utter it. "Uh....no" I quickly responded, hoping she wouldn't press the issue, forcing me to explain my inherited cultural belief.

I was equally disturbed when a pregnant girl at my beauty shop handed out sonogram pictures of her 5 month old fetus, proudly titled with her unborn's name! It seemed so - pardon the pun -premature!

I started to wonder, is this just me? Does calling your unborn child by name seem strange to anyone else? Did it seem weird to me before I had been introduced to this idea of delayed baby naming?

As is the beauty of lifelong friends, who can remind you who you are when you've seemingly forgotten yourself, I consulted with my girl KMH for a glimpse of my former self. She happily informed me THAT I WAS TRIPPIN'!! I never before would have thought anything of mentioning my unborn child's name!

Now, carting around a sonogram picture with her name at the top - that's a different story!

Welcome to Sisterhood Baby

Safiyah is going to be a BIG SISTER!!!

My biggest dream for Safiyah is that she would know the beauty of sisterhood - and now she will!

Let the count down begin....about four more months to go!

Happy Mother's Day

This is officially my third Mother's Day; my first being when I was pregnant with Safiyah. But I had no idea I'd be getting an actual Mother's Day gift from my baby girl! Safiyah, with undoubtedly great assistance from her childcare providers, made me a beautiful frame containing her precious handprint along with a poem. Check it out:

The poem reads:

Everyday I am exploring

Touching everything I've found

I leave behind my little marks

and handprints all around

You clean up those handprints

But someday when I'm grown

You'll wish you had just one

handprint to keep for your own

I made this handprint for you

So that one day when I am tall

You'll remember what my hand looked like

Long ago when I was small.

Awwwwwhhhhhhh!!!! I'm sure just three years ago, this would be another lame Mother's Day poem that I'd read and forget two seconds later. But with my little girl's precious handprint alongside it, it's priceless to me!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!!!