Indianapolis by way of New York

I recently made the journey home to Indianapolis after 3 ½ years of living in New York. Many couldn’t understand why I would ever want to leave the bright lights and big city of New York. The simple answer – I missed my family. The more complicated question – did I ever really want to live in New York?


Moving to New York was the first major wifely concession I made. Some would argue that leaving Indiana for New York wasn’t quite a concession. And that’s what I told myself when I packed up my single-girl apartment in downtown Indianapolis and drove the 12-hour trek to New York with my new groom. I was excited, giddy even! I was a newlywed in love. I told myself that this was what all women do – get married and follow their husbands. So, that’s what I did.


I have wonderful memories of that first road trip together. We held hands – a lot! We entered each rest stop, fingers interwoven, savoring each moment before parting ways to use the restroom (sickening, right?) We listened to a lot of music. Ben introduced me to Binta Lahly, a famous Guinean folk singer, whose songs I knew by heart after the 12-hour journey. We ceremoniously “high-fived” as we crossed into each new state (a tradition we repeated on the journey back to Indiana.) :)


But I also have another memory of that trip – one not so full of rainbows and fairytales. As we drove across the George Washington Bridge into Manhattan, Ben looked in awe at the skyline that he has always adored. “New York City”, he said with such amusement that he may as well have been singing. But, at that moment of his intense satisfaction, I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks. Moments later, I was bawling. The romantic movie scene had ended and I began to realize the gravity of checking the box marked, “will move for love”. I had left everything I knew, for a world of unknowns with my new husband.

And it was scary.

I was officially a grown-up. Moving to New York was my first real grown-up decision, aside from getting married, that is. And now, this was my life.

Scary as it was, New York turned out to be a great equalizer for our new marriage. Leaving the comfortable bosom of my intensely close family, New York was a fresh canvas for Ben and me to become an “us”. It was an uncharted road that we blazed together. While I desperately missed my family, the distance allowed me to accept that Ben was my family. We grew together in ways that I don’t know we would have been able to starting our marriage in Indiana. We made incredible memories that involved just the two of us.

New York also allowed me to form and unbelievable bond with my little sister Jasmin, who moved to New York after graduating college. Unlike me; however, Jasmin LOVED New York! Jasmin, my fashionably-dramatic-side-splitting- hilarity-of-a-sister, with stories so out-of-this-world that they would NEVER happen to anyone BUT her, was made for New York! Jasmin relishes in the energy of New York. Yet in the midst of her love affair with a city that was giving me the blues, Jasmin was my touchstone to home who eased my homesickness and left me feeling less alone.


While I had accepted that Ben had become my family, Jasmin’s presence in New York filled a void that only a sister could fill. Throughout my time in New York, knowing that Ben, Jasmin (and soon after, her husband Ahmed) were my island of family undoubtedly allowed me to weather the storm.

All in all, New York was good for us, but it never felt like home. And after nearly 4years of fast living, an insane cost-of-living and, a bouncing baby-girl, we agreed that it was time to go home.

Coming back home to Indianapolis has been like wrapping myself in the most comfortable blanket I’ve ever known! Jasmin says that I never really moved to New York, I just vacationed there for 3 ½ years. Perhaps because New York wasn’t my dream, I never allowed myself to really become rooted there. But now that I’m home, I can see New York with enough perspective to appreciate my journey. I can even bring myself to say…I (heart) NY.


I love New York, not for the exciting nightlife, the culture, the endless varieties of food that you can get at anytime of day or night, or the fact that the city never sleeps.

No - I love New York because it was Ben and my first home together.
I became a wife in New York.
I became a mother in New York, as well.
I made unbelievable friends.

I learned that I could make it outside the comfort-zone of my hometown, surrounded by family, but I’d rather not have to. I learned a lot about myself in New York.

I know now that New York was part of my journey. There were lessons I had to learn, that I could only learn there. In the end, what I thought was a “concession” for my husband, was the biggest gift I gave myself.

So, here’s to life journeys – and to finding my way home…